For whatever reason – menstrual hormones, a persistent headache, etc – I’m having a hard time dealing with an uncertain future today. And I’m even making it sound more dramatic than it is.

To break it down: As of Dec. 22, I will be unemployed. This is terrifying because a) I have absolutely no savings, have to pay back loans beginning in January, have a high rent (compared to anywhere other than New York, at least), and don’t want to borrow even more money from others; b) interviewing and job searching is a nightmare; and c) I don’t even know what I want to do.

Even since before I graduated, people have tried to pigeonhole me into either Art or Edit. “So, which is it? Design or editing?” Some people have agendas – they want you to say whichever side they’re more sympathetic to. But I get the question all the time, especially when people look at my resume.

I’ve resisted this question because I don’t believe I should have to choose one or the other, but also because I don’t know which career path I want to follow. People (most recently Cindy, the Self CD) say my next job will determine my career trajectory more than my major, previous experience or any other jobs have thus far. No pressure!

I’m just starting to realize that I’ve approached this newest job search a bit lackadaisically, as if I already have the Self edit assistant job (which I really want). I have very few back up plans and haven’t taken full advantage of my contacts. My portfolio hasn’t been improved much and I will receive my final paycheck in three weeks.

Sorry for my “the world is ending” rant. Just needed to vent for a moment, and I have no one to call. (Plus, I’m at work and should be working – imagine that.) I imagine I’ll find some perspective in a bag of Newman O’s, or at least I’ll become more reasonable when I stop PMSing and actually get my shit together.